Stop me if you’ve heard this one…

Two time travelers walk into a speakeasy in 1928. Later on, one of them staggers out and walks down the street, starts talking to the other time traveler on a cell phone, and accidentally gets caught in a movie shot.

Far-fetched? “Stupid” is more like it.

It’s the latest Interrant viral video flap. Watch the old lady as she walks past Grauman’s Chinese Theater in this movie clip allegedly shot in 1928:

In case the clip doesn’t imbed properly (or you have Javascript turned off), here’s the link:

Time traveler?

Obviously there were no cell phones in 1928, so some Einstein (pun intended) has decided that the woman in the clip is a time traveler. There are all kinds of things wrong with this theory, not the least of which is basic bedrock canon for every Fortean scientist (my major at Miskatonic University back in the 1980’s, by the way): the simplest solution is usually the correct one.

1) The old lady is most likely either half-nuts and talking to herself, holding an ear trumpet to her ear and talking to herself (to see if she can hear through the trumpet), or is digging wax ‘tater buildup out of her ear (as this is a pretty common affliction among the elderly).

2) Maybe she’s just in a choral group and is practicing her part, cupping her ear to hear herself better (I’ve done this myself, back when I was a blues musician — walked down the street and sang  a part, cupping my ear to hear better).

3) Assuming neither of the above are correct, the film is either a flat-out fake (the image quality is way, way too good for a vintage piece of 1928 footage) or the woman has been digitally edited into the clip. My money’s on this explanation. Hoax, hoax, hoax.

And, if that still hasn’t convinced you, answer me this — if she is a time traveler talking on a cell phone, how’s she getting a connection? How many bars does one get on a cell phone when there are no freaking cellular towers yet in existence?

Last, but not least, I offer the final nail in this story’s coffin: everybody knows that real time travelers use ear bugs that generate their own infrasonic* carrier waves which travel on an extradimensional plane, not anything remotely as bulky and primitive as blackberries or cell phones which depend on battery power and cellular towers. (For the doubters or those who are just uninformed, this fact has been independently confirmed in two separate [terrestrial] telephone calls I made tonight to Drs. Everett Falcone [Justice Federation] and Toshiro Akida [The Banzai Institute], both of Calvert, Maryland.)

(*The term “infrasonic” is used here in a relative sense when compared to the regular microwave band; the actual frequencies used are on the “dividing line” between FM/TV communications and microwaves. This is actually a moot point when one remembers that future communication devices open an “electronic wormhole” [known as a “workhole”] directly from caller to recipient, relieving the normally-encountered bandwidth overcrowding issues through the use of point-to-point extradimensional transfer. Dr. Akida’s web page offers more details, and cites the well-known “subspace radio” of TV’s Star Trek as a rather crudely presented example of the technique.)

What do you filmmakers take us for — suckers?

Hoax. Period. The prosecution rests.

Have fun! — Steve

Special thanks to Dr. Akida and Doc Falcon for their help with this post.

Copyright 2010, Steven A. Lopez. All rights reserved.